Ms. Hammonds,

 Windham Fertility Center prides itself on being one of the world’s leading facilities when it comes to reproductive services. However, we regret to inform you that there has been an egregious security breach at our facility, and we need to meet with you concerning this matter immediately. Please call our office to schedule an appointment as soon as possible. We are sorry for any inconvenience this may cause you.  Know that we are working diligently to resolve these internal and external issues in a timely fashion.


Dr. Anastasia Salaam


What the hell is going on? Is there another asshole out there that wants my social security number so he can open up a credit card in my name, and add to the thousands of dollars of debt I already have? I’ve been a victim of identity theft, and I cannot go through that again. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. It seems strange that someone would choose to hack a fertility center database. Then again, nothing concerning reproductive medicine is cheap, so if your name is in their database, you probably are pretty well off, or at the very least financially stable. I’ve been paying Windham Fertility Center $7000 a year over the past six years to store my 14 frozen eggs. I’m almost 36 years old, I should probably do something with them, sooner rather than later. Considering the fact I have zero legitimate prospects waiting to marry me, it’s looking like that little reproductive insurance policy was a good idea.

I guess I should call the bestie, Ashley to see when she’s making her appointment to meet with Windham, assuming everyone in the database received a letter about this “egregious security breach.”

Hey, Ash, how’s it going?

“Eh, it’s going. I’m tired.”

Why, working too hard?

“No, I was up way too late binge watching shows on Netflix, and I had an early morning meeting.”

I know that struggle all too well, girl. Anyway, did you get a letter from Windham Fertility Center about some kind of breach that we need to go in and talk to them about?

“Nope, I haven’t received anything. What kind of breach is it? I don’t need my personal information out there for the world to see. No one needs to know that I’ve frozen my eggs. It makes me seem desperate.

Hey, there’s nothing for us to be embarrassed about. Only a fool wouldn’t have a back-up plan in this day and age. Let’s be honest, neither of us have met a decent man in damn near a decade. We might have to flip through some manila folders and pick an anonymous donor based off whatever fabricated information they provided.

“I don’t know that my sperm donor will be anonymous, Evening. I might decide to ask a man I know so that the baby will get to know both of his or her parents, even if we aren’t together.”

Ash, we’ve both watched enough movies to know that little scenario never works out well. Do you really want to have to consult with someone you’re not, and have probably never been in an intimate relationship with about major life decisions? What if you decide to leave the Atlanta area? The guy you choose could be against that, and he could make life really difficult for you.

“Ugh, why do you have to be such a pessimist, Evening? I’m not going anywhere. I love Atlanta!”

 I’m just being realistic. Who in the hell do you already know that you’d want to be your sperm donor? I can’t think of anyone. I honestly never thought I’d have to worry about this. I was so sure Cris was my guy, but as you know he was just afraid of dying alone since he was deploying every other year, so he used me to help him get through it.  Anyway, my donor would have to be anonymous.

“Well for starters… you know I’ve always had a thing for your brother!”

That’s disgusting, Ash. Don’t even joke like that.  Brent is the most immature, misogynistic, asshole you’ll ever meet. I love him, but I don’t know why anyone would willingly have a baby with him.”

“Ha! I’m just kidding Eve. You know he’s like my little brother too. But, he is tall, dark, handsome and smart.  Those aren’t terrible traits for a kid to have.”

He’s also an asshole, and that’s probably an inheritable trait too.

“Yeah, you’re probably right, but our child would be so damn cute! I can just imagine him right now. He’d have my full lips and smile, and he’d have Brent’s eyes and nose. We both have thick, dark hair, so that’s probably a given. I’m telling you Eve, that little boy of ours would be dreamy.”

How do you know it would be a boy, Ashley?

“I’m definitely the type of woman who would have a boy, Eve.”

Oh, is that so? Well what type of woman am I?

“You’re definitely the girl having type. You’re so goddamn prissy. I mean, look at you. You’re always so well put together. I don’t know how you find neither time, nor energy.”

What do you mean you don’t know how I find the time? I’m single and childless. I have nothing better to do than be fabulous.

“I’m single and childless too, but I don’t have it in me to put forth that much effort every damn day.”

Trust me when I tell you, I don’t always feel like it. I just know my day goes better when I feel good about myself. I have to take the time to put on makeup and tame these big curly locks, otherwise I’m basically setting myself up to have a rough day.

“Yeah, but it doesn’t take much because you’re naturally gorgeous.  You have the most amazing bronze skin, and I’d kill for those big brown eyes that run in your family.  As a matter of fact, I wouldn’t mind if my daughter, you know the one your brother and I are going to have together, looks just like you.”

I thought you said you are having a boy.

“Our first child will be a boy. He’s going to be so cute that we’ll probably decide to have a little girl immediately after that.”

Could you please stop being gross, Ash?

“Haha! Lighten up, Evening.  Anyway, when are you going to go by the fertility center to see what this is all about?”

I don’t know. The letter said to call and set up an appointment, but I’ll probably just swing by there before I go into the office tomorrow. I pay them faithfully. I should be able to walk in there and see Dr. Salaam anytime.

“Well let me know if there’s anything I should be concerned about.”

You’ll be the first person I call. Let’s meet tomorrow after work for drinks.,


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