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We decided to go into the CNN Center and sit at the food court to grab a quick bite to eat. You can tell a lot about a person by what they allow their kids eat. I anxiously waited to see if my baby’s daddy had any strange dietary restrictions for Davinder, but much to my delight he didn’t. He let her get chicken nuggets and macaroni and cheese. I’m so relieved to know he doesn’t have an agenda against processed foods. Davinder picked a table right beside a cluster of those gumball and toy machines full of choking hazards. Luckily for her, I have a wallet full of quarters, and once she realized I was willing to part with them, she was thrilled. She forgot all about her food and she’s camped out by those machines having a ball.

“Please don’t give her anymore quarters. She’s going to stay at those machines and ignore us all damn day.”

I hear what you’re saying, and I want to respect your wishes, but don’t rob me of this moment to give my daughter these little gifts that she so badly wants. I’ve got a lot of making up to do.

“That’s all in your mind. She doesn’t know you have anything to make up for, and technically you don’t.  It’s not like you were a deadbeat parent by choice. You’re not Seana.”

Does Davinder miss her?

“I don’t think so. Seana wasn’t very engaged while she was around, so I guess it was kind of easy for Davi to forget about her. She asked me about her once when she first left. Then, we just carried on without her.”

Wow. I can’t believe she just disappeared on you guys. My Dad essentially did the same thing and it kinda fucked me up for years. One might argue my daddy issues are very prevalent in my life considering the types of men I’m attracted to.

“What types of men are you attracted to?

Emotionally stunted, life of the party, never going to settle down alcoholics, Usually.

“Whoa… that’s um, interesting. If you’ve been able to pinpoint the problem with the men you choose, why don’t you just make a promise to yourself to not entertain men like that anymore? Like, the moment you find out he’s that type of person, you should end all communication. You know those things aren’t a recipe for a healthy relationship, so don’t allow yourself to get caught up with dudes like that.”

I don’t really have a good answer for why I don’t shut it down immediately. Men like that tend to also have some redeeming qualities.  The ones I’ve dealt with are always tall, handsome and funny. Those three things will get you in the door. Usually by the time I recognize the bad shit about them, enough time has passed that my feelings are involved and it’s not easy to just walk away.  I have a bleeding heart, and I always try to see the good in people.  Sometimes I let that go too far.  I guess there’s a part of me that is hopeful the next guy will be different. It hasn’t really worked out that way, so obviously I need to try something different. Although in fairness to me, I kinda did try to date a few guys I wouldn’t normally be attracted to.  It was a disaster each and every time, so I’m not sure where to go from there.

“How did your last relationship end?”

It was tragic. Cris fell asleep one night playing his XBOX and somehow he got tangled up in the cord and choked to death. And, as if that wasn’t enough… he had also left the water running in the bathroom sink and it overflowed and made it into the room and electrocuted him. It’s kinda unclear which one of those situations actually killed him.

“Seriously?”

Yeah, it’s unbelievable. I’ve healed and moved on from that though. I’m good.

“Are you?”

Absolutely! Anyway… Have you dated anyone since Seana left?

“I’ve not dated anyone seriously, but I’ve had a few women here and there to pass the time.”

Of course you have. Men always have a warm body available for those lonely nights.

“Haha! I don’t know anything about that. I’m just out here focusing on our daughter.  I don’t have time for anything serious. That little busy body heading this way needs way too much attention, and I’m more than happy to give it to her.”

“Look, Daddy! I got a hundred toys!!”

“Wow! Let me hold onto those for you. Please sit down and eat your food. Ms. Evening really wants to chat with you a little.”

“What do you wanna chat about Ms. Eeeeeeeeevening?”

This child of mine makes my heart smile.  I reach out and caress her little cheek…

I want to chat about everything.

 

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